En Route

I’ve been very apprehensive about my trip to Haiti. The uncertainty of everything has weighed on me for the past few days and there were times where I said to myself, “I don’t want to go. I want to cancel everything before it is too late.” I had gotten caught up in preparation for my trip and the daily vagaries of my life, and I had lost sight of why I was even making this journey in the first place.

It wasn’t until I got to the airport and sat down to wait for my flight that I felt the same feeling that made me want to go in the first place.

I was listening to my iPod and Pearl Jam’s “Just Breathe” came up on the shuffle. It is a song about mortality and death. I had listened to the song alot while my Pop-Pop was in the final stages of his life with cancer.

My Pop-Pop was my idol. He was accomplished. He had life experiences that I’ll never have (some of which I am grateful to not have). He fought in World War II and cleared out Dachau concentration camp. He had six children and was married to the same woman for over 50 years. At my young age, I can’t imagine that.

The cancer beat him about two months ago. I gave a speech at his funeral and I talked about how it is difficult to feel like a man when I compare myself to him. I talked about how I wanted to be able to do just a fraction of what he did.

When I got the email at work that we had the opportunity to go to Haiti, I instantly scoffed at the idea. This was after I had heard that looters were roaming the streets with machetes. I thought, why would I ever want to put myself in a situation life that? Why would I want to witness human suffering?

I went home that Friday and went to a local watering hole with my girlfriend and a few other friends. I was talking about how I had the opportunity to go to Haiti. I was still scoffing at the idea. After a while, my girlfriend just turned to me and said, “Why wouldn’t you go? Why wouldn’t you do something like this?”

I went silent and got lost in my own thoughts. I remembered the speech that I gave at my Pop-Pop’s funeral and my way of thinking completely changed. I decided that night that I’d take a chance and see what happened.

A few weeks later, I found myself driving to the airport with my father. I was dreading the trip. There was so much that was unknown.

I’m sitting at the airport right now, waiting for my flight to Ft. Lauderdale. I will arrive there and have to wait until 7:20am the next morning for my flight into Port Au Prince. I’ll likely sleep on the floor in the airport, unless they kick me out. If that happens, I don’t know what I’ll do.

When I fly into Port Au Prince, I’ll step off the plane and look for someone holding a sign with “Andrew Monaghan” written on it. Then, I’ll get in a shuttle and head to Belval Plaza to meet up with Project Leogane.

I’m very happy that I heard “Just Breathe” on my I-pod. It made me refocus and realize why I was going in the first place, and it put me in a better mood.

This will be a great life experience, and I hope it builds a bit of character.

***Update***

I've set up camp in the Ft. Lauderdale/Hollywood airport. This is not going to be a pleasant experience. I also forgot my toothbrush. Ugh. Hopefully I can obtain one before I get on my flight tomorrow.